Saturday pm  - Huddersfield      25/11/06

Dear Pate and Nutmeg

The times are changing and the seasons come and go.
What’s New in Huddersfax…

Harriet has now got her little silver Fiesta and loves it.
Their Ford Ka has been sold for spares after driving into back of road sweeper in the sun..
Bob has signed and officially moves house next Friday. He’s already moved back in with us and says my beer is better than his. The house at Bun Court is not ready for him.

Gary and Bob are going on a business trip to Belgium. 2 mins after booking the flight Bob realised his passport date was almost up.

Trudi & I went to the first rehearsal at HAOS for Jekyll & Hyde which is in March at the Vulcan Theatre.
Interesting !!!

Went for an autumn scout walk/run yesterday down the valley – ACE.

Going to a Jazz/Choir evening with meal in Molden at the Mechanics with Trudi’s cousin Rick and family.

Out for a pizza on Sunday Tea in Leeds followed by ‘Spirit of the dance’ – at the Grand Theatre.

Hello … You two …

Trudi told me … “You’ve given Nutmeg all the same news you PRATTTT, don’t send them this email it’s just a duplicate of everything I’ve told her” …

Oh well back to the farm… Give Petrell & Nut-thatch a blast from the west (Yorkshire)

She has just said

“Your not in there again…Cuhh…Cuhh”

I’m now in my study reading my 1966 half coloured nudey book bought from a school prefect (Blabergham) for 2 shillings because it was in colour and a foreword by Lord Lucan with a testimonial disease.

I’m wearing my goosey shooting jacket and my khaki heather striders with quick-fire well oiled zip. I’ve put some tutty on

This saucy panting poolside hussey must be a heckmondwike pensioner by now with a winter fuel allowance and a free bus pass. Her nipples will be crinkled like an overcooked bakewell tart with a floating cherry covered in Zorax cream wearing vaseline sunglasses and her panting heart pumping to her Val Doonican rocking chair rock-slipper-shuffle.

Yes I bludellyen arre briggerbones short for bugger brains with legs astride in front of an Ikea cracked mirror, eating a prawn sandwich with extra Thousand Island Dressing.

Eileen & Karlh put their heads around the office door on Wednesday while collecting a giant banner of a Whitby sheep with a gummy arse and lipsticked lips.

They said it was worth over £5000 quid. When in lambing season its worth £6.50 with extra mint sauce and Gobland gravy. I was sorry I couldn’t talk to them I was infactuated on the phone with a Sage secretary called Sonya who said her mother was a Newcastle Viking who was covered in drip bread and pulled all the men with her yimmy-yammy-ho in a shoebox with real leather shoehorn.

On Thursday we were rehearsing for Jekyll & Hyde – The Musical – The Venus Theatre - at 7.30pm.

We flew down to the 4 Pigeons at 10pm.  The heathens were debating when you were coming back – I quickly nipped in with 11^th Dec. Alf has shaved his tash off and Nadine has waxed her legs. Why do they have separate cars????.

Turnip came in at 10.10pm and kept himself to himself. I’m fed up with being the first mover – so I ignored him. I don’t think he missed me.

Last night (Friday) we saw ‘Kristina’ on Look South Teatime Ozzie TV interviewing England’ s Barmy Army getting pissed in a pub in Brisbane and writing new chant songs for the cricket. She looked really good and had her hair tied back. Her facial bone structure looked really sexy and she had plenty of moisturiser on.

Larry was drooling all over his Leeds monitor but the TV stand-in bird next to him was probably really jealous and wishing Kristina would come out with Blobby Australian Outback with a Melbourne ginger journalist studying economics in a kangaroo farm gagging on a rucksack thong while playing backgammon with a pert cook-a-burra.

It’s Saturday 9pm… Wales have been stuffed by the New Zealand sheep herders.

Trudi is watching X-factor without max factor..

Today we got up at 7.30am – cleared the garage as much as we could and shot off down to Mirfield. Bob was moving house today with a large rental van with Garfield. He has gone out to celebrate tonight with a fiver and a black toe – He dropped a washer on it.

Rushed home to unload into garage.

Are you getting bored yet?

5pm I watched the rugby (Wales/NZ) with a guinness and then Trudi & I went up to the Goby Inn for a carvery at Binley Top. (I had a club turkey ceasar salad delivered by a 5ft Pennine amazon who gave me extra vinagrette and tucked my bib in for an extra shilling- she said she had just started – so I told her to just keep one sock on .

Trudi had the carvery queued for 30 mins in the carvery conga.

I had finished mine and was busy tying waitress Catherine’s pinnie back on with a slipknot. She said – do you want anything else? – I said  (Looking around in case it was my round)

”Yes can I help you pluck and stuff the turkey for Xmas and shake the cranberry sauce until it’s frothing in your mouth like a sorbet in a meadow??”.

She said she was going in for varucca’s surgery at Xmas – I said “Give me a ring sometime”. “Don’t minge in it” she said, under her breath in my ear”.

The Bumshaw Wheelers have been very quiet while you’ve been away – not a sniff.

Wish we could be with you. Time for another ginger beer … Soon be McLouis time again..

Regards and Condiments with Love

Gregg & Googlehymer