Job Application: 19th May 1992 From:Mr Michael Smith, 2 Copley *****, Copley, Halifax To: Mr Geoff Walker, Pontevelio Marketing, Halifax HX5
Dear Mr Walker,
I am sure you remember the letter which I sent to you in relation to the advertisement in the Halifax Courier for the above position.I am absolutely bloody furious that you have not responded to my letter. It’s no wonder this country is going to the dogs! How can you ignore a person of my calibre when there are so many other wasters about who are employed these days.
Anyway it doesn’t matter as I have got a job testing hand grenades for the Ministry of Defence. I can say that I am very pleased that I am not in the British Army as 6 of the last 7 hand-grenades have proved to be duds. The 7th one I tested worked but I unfortunately threw this into the General’s staff car who is now having to claim on his comprehensive policy with the General Accident!
Anyway I might be available now to fill your vacancy so don’t hesitate to contact me if the situation isn’t filled yet.
Yours insanely
Michael Smith.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------22nd May 1992
Reply from:
Pontevelio Marketing, Halifax
Dear Michael, No Apologies...You are such an unlucky, annoying bastard that I completely ignored your useless f****** application.
If you had been lucky enough to have an interview I would have stuck my window opening pole up your arse faster than Paul Daniels opens his flyhole.
If you would like to buy some photographs of your wife in the bath with an alsation, two pigs and The Welsh Guards Platoon 47 then please send me a cheque for £150. The negatives will cost a further £1000. After little thought and consideration I recommend that you apply for a position as a cleaner at one of the leading local insurance brokers.
You moronic, boring, predictable turd. I hope you come out in boils and your arse heals over.
Yours triumphantly, Geoff (Superbike) Walker.
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