Email to NZ: Jan 2005
Poort and Nairragh
Beryl MeinKampf says they have a buyer and will complete after easter ??? Basil doesn't want to move to a smaller house. Be
ryl says can we keep it quiet?.
Does she mean No Snoring? No Ball Games? No Ducks a la carte? No Christa Akroyd Vertical Column Expressions? No Merlot in Teapots? No Balaclavas at Harry's Local Shop? No Malton smart frocked women outclassing the Gamekeeper? No ordering Giant Haddocks before steaddies are dropped? No piped music in the red hot shower? No impostor plumbers showing their lead flashing in one hand with an ever-ready torch and the book "how to win friends and influence poodles in the other" while extending a mains lead for an unknown worrier? No red wine hymer nightmares with cut-glass salads?
No she means the site has a buyer - tell no one? (He's giving her one under the stuffed owl)
When are you coming home? - we can't take it anymore.
We've been having Blackshaw Wheelers All-nighters for 4 weeks now at Whiteley Lane and the carpet is greasy and matted at your house. So many people called to tell us to be reasonable - we took the front door off and let them all in for FREE.
The fridge stinks of unborn chicken curry and your new TV got 500ml Stella down the back of it last night in the middle of Sportsnight. Joe's hair set on fire and we barbecued the new dog from next door in your bath with Saras entrails. The smoke was just like Flamborough Fog with a local scout blowing his bugle with "come to the cookhouse door" and a load of Beagles from the luxury Raggles Pet Hotel chewing a formerly cream stair carpet that was covered in breakfast-in-bed bacon buttie juice while Queen's Road Sava Centre cleared the Upstairs for two crates of Grolsch and a Bob Dylan CD. It was all we could afford to give them from your Khaki Conservatory.
Antique Roadshow is there tonight to value your Golliwog Minstrel. Tests show that it's an original Percy Shaw tin bath that's been melted down with cats eyes in it and Boothtown Molasses brushed over it with a Civic Theatre Lavatory Brush last used by a balding Rastafarrian with Alapecia who thought it was the Job Centre. They pointed him to Waltons and he has now been promoted to IT Manager and delivers large print papers on his way in after fixing jappatti blenders and invisible phones for deaf transvestites in Gerbil Street.
Lots of Loads and loads of Lots
Luv as all ways face on,
Geoff xx (Home Alone with New Secretary shown above)
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